There’s a simple remedy for the exhausting hardships that life can throw at the idle parent. It’s not advertised on the television or in the papers, because it costs nothing and therefore no one makes money out of it. But indulging in it will without doubt improve your quality of life. I’m talking, of course, about that glorious care-charmer, the nap. The destruction of the nap has been a victory of Calvinist culture. Perhaps this is because the nap is so deeply pleasurable, and as we know, pleasure was frowned upon by the puritanical tendencies of the post-Medieval age. In our pell-mell Western economies, napping is seen as a waste of potentially productive time. Instead of taking 40 winks, we tend instead to power ourselves up with that ubiquitous, costly and dangerous stimulant, coffee. As the Protestant work ethic spreads its joyless gospel around the world, societies that used to nod off after lunch are dropping the habit. In Italy, for example, shops now stay open during the siesta hour to compete with the guy across the road. And in China, workers are giving up their afternoon doze, fearful that Western visitors will consider them lazy. Thankfully, idler-friendly countries remain, such as Mexico or Laos, where naps can be taken at any time of day without any sense of guilt. The nap is enjoyable for its own sake, particularly to sleep-starved parents. “I used to think booze and sex would bring me joy,” wrote P.J O’Rourke after becoming a father. “Now it’s a nap.”
A nap is useful, too. American research suggests that nappers are healthier. Napping reduces stress and lowers the risk of heart attacks and strokes. A study of pilots found that a 26-minute nap in the cockpit (while the co-pilot flies) increased alertness by 54 per cent. One report says that simply knowing that you are going to be able to nap later in the day reduces blood pressure. I know from experience that I am far more likely to be grumpy on days when I have not managed to nap. Sleep deprivation damages mood and, conversely, the nap is a great promoter of domestic harmony. The morning is improved by its anticipation, and the afternoon and evening are improved because you are not exhausted. There is also that immensely healing sense that you are being kind to yourself. For this reason, the idle parent should make napping an absolute priority. If you are at home with the children during the day, napping should be easy. The kids need a nap, too, so – while they sleep – resist the urge to get things done, unplug everything and go to sleep as well. At weekends, take turns with your partner to nap. One idle dad friend of mine offers to give his wife a break by taking the children to a matinee. Having installed them in the cinema, he creeps back to the car and dozes off. If you are stuck in the dark satanic mills of the modern workplace during the day, then more ingenuity may be required. On fine days, the park bench may afford a 20-minute kip in your lunch break. Deck chairs are very comfortable and are offered by many municipal parks. If it is raining, then creep into a church and find a quiet pew for some dozy contemplation. Or if you drive to work, then use the car for a bit of shut-eye. I have heard of dedicated nappers managing to take a snooze in public lavatories, or even at their desk. And if you are worried that your brain may not be able to switch off, then simply drink a pint of real ale or a glass of wine at lunchtime, and remember – no coffee! God gave us alcohol to help us relax: we were not made to toil for nine hours or more without respite.
