to just be

  Now and then i ponder my life (almost everyday)...and i question what i do and why i do it...i almost always go back into the mania that i am and do the same things i was doing before, but at least i know why i'm doing them...i am usually running away. What from? My mortal body, the threat of death, pain and suffering in the world...or that i am really afraid of amounting to a nobody?  If i strive for something bigger and better, maybe it will make me bigger and better, no? What i should've learned a long time ago, is that striving only makes me a fool. I'm always on the lookout for a good idea, always reading a few books on new projects, when i haven't  finished the one i started. I know part of it is my genetic code( i am a Sanguine to the nose), but for the most part i like looking to the future, and maybe to just a dream. I am one of those people that can barely stand reality, if i see a child with a mother that looks unfit to be a mother, that alone can put me into depression for the rest of the day. I have a hard time editing what is my problem and what isn't, and so i find myself heading to 'escapist island' often. My resolution for 2010, is to just BE, i am not what i DO or PLAN to do...i am me and i can only do what is at hand to do. On a creative note, if i want to paint for a day, i can paint (and i don't have to go to the art store and decide on my palette for the next 6 months) or if i want to play piano again, i can, but i don't have to sign up for a year of lessons. My life is full. Full to the brim. I once read a great book called, "If you want to write", it was written a long time ago, i think in the 30's. It was about how our society (even in the 30's) was becoming a culture that needed gratification for everything they did, and how if we truly are meant to do something, we would do it EVEN IF NOBODY EVER SAW US DOING IT (both activism and creative pursuits).Wowsa. And now with Facebook, blogging, and Twitter, etc..we can broadcast all we do to the world, and feel like we're a little bit bigger and better because we do what we do (and everyone else knows about it too!)  If we could just rest in the GRACE of being who we are, and not striving to be more than we are, we would BE better...we'd be real, not so competitive and we'd have better community since one person wouldn't be trying to do everything. (Even if you CAN make that baby bonnet, just buy the darn thing from someone who already made it to give them some support, and they in turn will support you in what you do). This post just went from one thought into many thoughts, and skipped into a rant. Anyways, i am ME this year and thats it. My one and only resolution.

This Personality Test is pretty bang on (take it and let me know what you are:) I was Sanguine Choleric

Even the Ancient Greeks believed in "Humors", this is an interesting read.

Here is a painitng by http://www.nikolasdemasi.com/ titled "Sanguine View"...interesting since sanguine also means blood.